Simple changes

I woke up this morning and decided I would go for a hike. Having been overweight I've always been self conscious about my body . ALthough I have come a long way, It completely frustrates me that I've worked so hard to transform my body yet have such a hard time feeling completely comfortable in my own skin and embracing my body.

SO this morning I said fuck it. well, not out loud, in my head. :) and I went hiking at camelback mountain in my sports bra. WOW. this was def a challenge for me! Whether hard to believe or not it is somethign scary for me! Something I had not done because of my constant pre-occupations with the "imperfections". Its so much easier to just cover up what you dont like.

As I was on the hike I made a decision to focus more on what I was experiencing. How beautiful the day was. The sky was gorgeous, it was cloudy, occasional raindrops were falling, there was a fresh breeze...I also decided to focus more on what I did have. My health, strong legs, and a even a bit of an adrenaline rush and energy from the excitement of doing something I wouldn't normally do.

By the time I got to the top my focus had completely changed! I was no longer thinking about the "jiggle" or that lonja I wanna get rid of. I thought about how amazing I felt. So {complete}

I Closed my eyes and FELT the breeze {caressing} my body.
I felt BeautiFull.
Not a beautiful based on being a certain weight, or having the perfect outfit n heels.
A sense of beauty from just being.
{ME}
Without
having to be more.

I was seriously amazed and surprised...I still am. That a simple change made such an impact, gave me hope. Because Sometimes it seems that some things will never change.

The scariest thing.

Fear- n.
(1) A feeling of agitation and anxiety, distressing emotion, caused by anticipation or presence of danger (real or imagined).

(2)a state marked by this emotion.
------------------------------------------------------------
To live in Fear is paralyzing. I have experienced it.

My life changed the day I decided to confront my greatest fear.
I {let go of perfection}.

When I let go of perfection I was finally able to experience ME.
Me without constantly striving to be more. Saying to myself I'm not enough.
Life, happiness, self acceptance seemed to be on hold until the next big goal was met.....if I could just lose 5 more pounds, get in better shape, finish school, pay off debt, get a better job ...bla bla bla... there was always something. to fix, something to change.
Letting go of perfection meant finally saying to myself (and believeing!) I am enough. NOW. Not living for the future. Living in this moment.

ME without the self-imposed limitations of fear.
ME truly living {fully} each moment, no longer distracted by the mental chatter caused by fear of anticipated pain. the what if's. what if i fall, what if I get hurt, what if its not perfect, what if I'm not perfect? what if its not enough, what if I'm not enough? what if I fail?

In order to continue moving forward. discovering. transforming. LIVING. {Without FEAR} I have decided to Do one thing every day that scares me. Based on Eleanor Roosevelt's inspiring words "Do one thing everyday that scares you".

Each day I will confront a fear.
{DO} something that scares me.

Life has never been so Beautifull!





--------------------------------
"My Heart Is Afraid that it will have to suffer"
the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams."
----------------------------
~Brenda